Healing from the Inside Out

Years ago, following our baby girl’s open heart surgery, doctors were unable to close her sternum, so they sewed a patch over her incision, and sent her to the PICU. For two months, we cleaned and packed that wound, in hopes that it would heal from the inside out. Any other way could result in infection and/or the reopening of the wound. So, Jeremy and I took on the unpleasant task of wound care. One afternoon, a friend came to visit, and fainted at the sight. And who could blame her? The whole process was horrific. But we did what we had to do, out of love for our daughter.

Losing my husband resulted in the reopening of some unhealed places in my heart, including the deep soul-wound of losing Karissa. The infection of loss seeped out all over me, my children and those closest to me. I begged God for a neat, tidy bandage. But this time He said “no.” This time, He chose to leave the wounds exposed, so He could heal them. Properly. Completely. From the inside out.

I won’t lie. I haven’t enjoyed the process. Debriding is excruciating. Cleaning and packing a wound is grotesque, and some relationships have fainted at my vulnerability. But not my Abba. He pressed in—cleaning and purging and soothing each once-forgotten place—doing that which was necessary, out of love for His daughter.

You see, the true Good Samaritan is Jesus. He loves the unlovely, enters our suffering, binds our wounds, offers all that He has, and pays any price. He carries us when we can’t go on, and restores us to right standing. Only His unconditional love is enough to make the wounded whole. Only His grace can offer abundant life. Only He can heal us from the inside out.

Honestly, I’m not certain every incision is fully healed to a silver scar just yet. There are some days I’d still like a bandage. But this I do know: I’m not the girl I was all those years ago. I’m not even the girl I was four years ago. I am ever so much more than my scars.

At my weakest, I found His power. At my most vulnerable, I found his protection. In my emotional and spiritual poverty, I found His provision.

And in my brokenness, I continue to find His healing.

❤️‍🩹 Audra

Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.