My husband’s last words to me were, “Not goodbye.”
We were on a very brief video call with him before he was put on a ventilator. We hadn’t seen him or talked to him in weeks when they called to tell me we were about to get a FaceTime call to say goodbye.
Only I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye. “I’m not strong enough,” I said. He signed, “I love you” with one hand while he pulled the oxygen mask off his face with the other, just long enough to say those final words: “Not goodbye.”
I’ve thought about those words so many times since that awful day. We do that, don’t we? We ruminate on the last words, the last time, the last touch… Sometimes, with regret; sometimes, with peace and hope.
I’ve come to realize Jeremy gave me a priceless gift with those last words. “Not goodbye” means this is just temporary. “Not goodbye” means I’ll see you again. “Not goodbye” means this is not the end of the story.
Today is Good Friday— a strange name for the day our precious Savior died. But when you consider that ALL things work together for good, I suppose this was the greatest good of all: the death that brought us eternal life!
So, this morning I’ve been ruminating on Jesus Christ’s last words. How much peace and hope they bring to the heart of a valley-walker who looks to the cross!
Think on the gift of these words:
• Demonstrating unconditional grace:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
Luke 23:34
• Fulfilling prophecy and encapsulating the horrors of sin’s consequence:
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”
Matthew 27:46
• Providing hope in death to the repentant sinner:
“Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”
Luke 23:43
• Assuring His mother’s earthly needs would be cared for:
When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother!” And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.
John 19:26-27
• Reminding us of His humanity in this suffering:
After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!””
John 19:28
• Proclaiming the complete sufficiency of His sacrifice:
“It is finished!”
John 19:30
• Entrusting life and death into the hand of the Father:
And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit.” Having said this, He breathed His last.
Luke 23:46
What a gift to have these words recorded for us! What a love to be offered at such cost! What grace this day commemorates for all who call on His name!
One of Jeremy’s favorite songwriters was Andrew Peterson. Andrew wrote a song titled, “Last Words (Tenebrae),” which is a must-listen for Good Friday. (I’ll add it below.) Take four minutes to listen and ruminate on the last words of the One who loves you more than any human ever could.
It is finished, but not goodbye—because Jesus.
My husband’s last words to me, in our last conversation about 56 hours before he slipped away, we’re in response to me breaking the silence while I thought he was asleep, wondering out loud if we had anything more to say to each other. He heard me and rolled over and responded as if we were our former normal selves and just talking… he said, “I don’t think our love needs any more words – we’ve always said them and we know.” Then I asked if it was too painful if I sat next to him on the bed (as it had been days ago) and he said, No, it doesn’t hurt at all” so I laid down next to him and said shakily, “I don’t know what I am going to do without you… but I can’t wish for you to stay in this condition and pain you’re in” (stage IV and rapidly advancing pancreatic cancer). And he said softly, kindly, lovingly, “I think God, our Father, in His infinite wisdom might have it this way to help us be able to say goodbye…” I don’t think we said anything else, except I was quietly weeping and thanking God for this wonderful man He had given me for the time we had, time that we accomplished things for our family and children that were critical to their and my well-being.
It’s been 11-1/2 years and sometimes my heart and soul ache for that loss but at least I have many good memories still pop up from time-to-time that make me mostly thankful and tearfully happy. And I have seen and continue to see and feel the evidence of God’s goodness all over my life and Jesus has not left me alone. It is a trial I would never wish for nor wish it for anyone else but as promised, God has most certainly used it for my good. And I know in all things, His grace is sufficient for me – oh, what an amazing grace.
It was so nice to meet you at the MORE Women’s Conference last month, Audra, I am praying for you and your family and your ministry. May the LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you.peace (Numbers 6:24-26).
Oh, friend, I’m not sure how I missed this comment, but I’m so thankful I found it. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Such precious and priceless memories! Much love to you. 🩷
My husband also loved Andrew Peterson! One of his favorite songs was, His Heart Beats. One of my favorite lines in that song says, “put death to death!”
Oh yes! I love that one!!! My husband got his permission to write a sermon series based on Behold the Lamb of God. It was so good!!!