She looked at me with tears streaming down my face and said, “It’s not about you.”
At the moment, it felt harsh, but it was truth. That’s the reason I came to see her on my way home from the Women’s Center. Because there were lies swirling around in my head that were challenging my faith. Lies like:
This isn’t fair.
This is going to be the thing that makes my children turn away from God.
Trying to reach people for Jesus is putting a target on my back. Maybe I should lie low for a while.
God is punishing me for something.
I should just succumb to this and go be with Jeremy.
This storm will never end.
It was the voice of the Enemy. Oh, I am well familiar with that voice! He lurks about; and in my darkest moments, whispers in my ear. “I told you God doesn’t love you.” It’s his age-old tactic and I was falling for it. But I knew my friend would love me enough to speak truth into the situation. She was right, of course.
This isn’t about how much God loves me. In fact, it has little to do with me at all. I’m just one tiny thread in the tapestry of the redemption of humanity. Do I have a target on my back? Absolutely. But I signed up for that when I signed up to be a soldier. I can’t expect to be a Kingdom warrior and not go to battle. Is the fight going to be hard? Yes. It’s it going to be harder without Jeremy? For sure. Am I in it alone? No, I am not.
The name of this new battle is “Cancer,” but it’s strategy is the same as all the others: attack God’s warriors and make them useless for the Kingdom. So, what now? I put on the full armor of God and ready myself for war.
For my life. For my children. But mostly, for the glory of God.
Cancer doesn’t get the final word.
Satan doesn’t get the final word, either.
The Cross of Jesus Christ gets the final word.
Is God finished with me? Not today. Will this be my final battle? I don’t think so. But either way, I’m a soldier and I’m not going down without a fight!
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith
2 Timothy 4:7
Audra Smith, The Pastor’s Widow
August 12, 2022