Grieving Well

“Grieve well,” they say.

But what does that even mean?

• Make grief look pretty, so others won’t fear it?
• Only grieve in secret, so as to not make anyone uncomfortable?
• Don’t grieve at all, so the world will see me as strong?

By those standards, I’m a terrible griever.

So was David. And Job. And Jeremiah.
And—dare I say—Jesus?

But what if “grieving well” looks like, well… grieving!?

What if the goal isn’t being strong, but rather, recognizing our frailty? What if the end game isn’t happiness, but humility? What if my weakness really is the canvas for God’s power to be exhibited?

Should I paint my own image there? God forbid!

Grief is as old as sin and is its natural byproduct. If you live and love, you will eventually lose. So how does our Creator expect us to handle profound losses?

Nearly half of the Psalms and the whole of Lamentations demonstrate biblical mourning, or lament. (There are numerous studies and books on the topic at your disposal, and I encourage you to check them out. Here, I will keep it simple.)

Lament is authentic grief in the presence of Abba.

What is lament?

Authentic grief in the presence of Abba.

How do I lament?

1. Address God – He alone is worthy to hear my complaint. When I complain to others, I misrepresent Him. When I take my complaint to Him, He bends His ear to listen.
2. Admit my feelings – He already knows, but I need to humble myself enough to verbalize my weakness. Vulnerability increases intimacy.
3. Appeal to Him for help – Ask Him to take action on my behalf. Like any good Father, He wants His kids to come to Him with their needs.
4. Acknowledge Him as Lord – This is where I submit my will to His and confess His goodness and sovereignty. (This posture is not inauthentic if I believe it in my soul, even though my mind can’t grasp it and my heart can’t feel it in the moment.)

Why do I lament?

• Action – Processing my feelings aloud is both cathartic and therapeutic. No one is a better comforter and counselor than the Holy Spirit.
• Attachment – the more frequently I run to my Father—and the more often He stoops down to meet me there—the more I feel myself drawn to Him. I find an unmatched intimacy in His presence when I lament.
• Acceptance – I have found that biblical lament leads to peace. Not instantaneously, but over time, this intimacy with my Father aligns my will to His and brings me to a place of sweet surrender. And maybe that is the point.

How do I know if I’m grieving well?

Grieving well is still painful and messy and it takes time. It doesn’t necessarily lead to complete restoration of life-before-loss, but it does lead to growth.

Post-traumatic growth for the child of God looks like a more elevated view the Father, a more humble estimation of self, and a deeper desire to share in His suffering for the sake of the Gospel.

You are grieving well if you are earnestly seeking the Lord in your pain. Give yourself grace for the journey. Don’t give up. The Father IS good and He IS working.

And anything that makes me more like Jesus is worth it.

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Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor. 12:9

🩷Audra

You are grieving well if you are earnestly seeking the Lord in your pain.