One of the more painful losses of my life was our first failed adoption. We got beautiful baby A at 45 minutes old and knew immediately that she was the answer to my prayers. She was the perfect addition to our little family and a healing salve to my empty arms. Oh, how I loved her!
To make a long story short; in an unprecedented court case, a judge awarded custody of our sweet girl to her biological mother on her first birthday, offering us “visitation” privileges. We continued to keep her on weekends and in the summer for several years, but that eventually stopped when we moved to another state. Soon, we lost contact. My family and I have prayed for the past thirteen years that God would let us find our girl and know that she is okay. Every year on her birthday, I search for her and grieve. Her pictures still hang on the walls in my home. When I pray for my children, I pray for her. In my heart, she will always be mine.
Thirteen years is a long time to wait. Thirteen years of crying and begging and searching. Thirteen years of not knowing. Thirteen years of silence. It’s discouraging, but I won’t give up. I can’t. I love her.
At 4:30 this morning, I woke up and could not fall back asleep. So I finally picked up my phone to find something to read, and there, in my inbox, was a message from A. I don’t know how or why, but I do recognize an act of God when I see it! Thirteen years after I started praying that prayer, God gifted me with a resounding “yes.” “Yes, your girl is okay. Yes, I will allow you to find her. Yes, she remembers you and your love for her. Yes, I have had her in my hand all along.”
Jesus tells a story in Luke 18 about a persistent widow. Verse 1 says, “One day Jesus told his disciples a story to illustrate their need for constant prayer and to show them that they must never give up.” He goes on to tell of an unjust judge and a widow who repeatedly presents her case to him until he finally gives in and gives her justice. Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this evil judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end, so don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who plead with him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when I, the Son of Man, return, how many will I find who have faith?”
Unlike the evil judge, the One who hears our prayers loves us and delights in giving us good things. But His timing is not our timing. Sometimes, His answer is, “Just wait, my child. I know what I’m doing.” And without fail, His way and His timing are absolutely best. He just wants us to keep asking and keep believing.
There are so many things I pray for these days. So many unknowns. So many requests I ask of this “Husband of the widow.” And, for now, the unknowns remain unknown. If I allow myself, I may stop believing He hears me. I may become discouraged and quit hoping. I may become disillusioned and quit trusting. But think of all the blessings I will miss if I give up! No, no, no! I won’t give up. I can’t. I trust Him.
Child of God, you and I must pray without ceasing. Not only to receive answers, but also so He will find us full of faith when He returns.
I can’t promise His answer to our prayers will always be “yes,” but I do know that His answer will always be best. Just keep praying. Someday, you may wake up in the wee hours of morning and find yourself shouting “hallelujah, thank you Jesus” from under your covers, too.
June 2022