Profound grief has a way of bringing us face to face with what we actually believe about God. Often, we are surprised by our own doubt. We wrestle with the juxtaposition of God’s goodness with a world that is full of evil. Suddenly, we find ourselves in a head-on collision between our theology and our pain and we are forced to decide if we still believe in the dark what we knew to be true in the light.
And that crisis of faith becomes the darkest part of the valley of suffering.
I first experienced that darkness 25 years ago, after my little girl died. I thought I knew God, but I could no longer align His sovereignty and His love. The heaviness of the loss of my “understanding” of God was even harder to bear than the loss of my child. I had banked absolutely everything on it. And now, for the first time in my life, nothing made sense.
Late pastor and author, Tim Keller, wrote, “Suffering is unbearable if you aren’t certain that God is for you and with you.” The answer is—and always has been—Him. However, when your foundation is shaken its core, sometimes you find cracks you didn’t even know were there.
You may be there now, wrestling with your faith in the pit of doubt, questioning whether God is for you or even with you in this valley. If that is you, friend, be encouraged; there’s grace for that, too. You won’t hear me preach at you. It took a work of the Holy Spirit in me to come out of that valley with my faith intact.
And that, valley-walker, is exactly my point.
When crises arise, and we find ourselves in seasons of unbearable pain, it is GOD who does the restorative work in us. (Read that again.)
It’s not all up to you. It’s not your strength; it’s His. I didn’t just come out of the valley with my faith intact. I came out with my faith restored. Stronger. Confirmed. Established. Better. Not because I was strong. Not because I was faithful. Not even because I had a godly husband leading the way. My faith survived because God, Himself, did all the doing. Because He is faithful. Because He is sovereign. Because He is good. Because He loves me.
Because His grace is sufficient.
Sometimes our theology and our grief collide. Don’t fear the wrestling. Submit to it. Allow Him to do His work of grace in you, as only He can. Then, when the next valley of suffering comes, (and it will!) your foundation of faith will be sure.
And if you trip a bit along the way, there is grace for that, too.
You are loved.
🩷Audra
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10