I don’t remember his first Father’s Day without her. I suppose I was too consumed by my own grief to notice. I’m certain he got up and went to church, because that’s what he did. It’s who he was. I can only imagine how hard that must have been… because I never asked him. I just assumed he was less devastated because he carried it so well.
Just because someone grieves differently, doesn’t mean they are any less grief-stricken. I know that now.
I’ve since watched my father bury a daughter and my father-in-law bury a son. I’ve seen them bend beneath the weight. I’ve watched it take years off their lives.
Carrying it well doesn’t make it any less heavy. What if they just bravely bear the load because someone has to be strong?
By God’s grace, I have not yet lost a parent. Perhaps that’s why I sometimes still forget just how hard it is for my children to grow up without their dad. Some of them carry it so well—or so differently—that it looks lighter than my own grief burden.
Thankfully, these years of valley-walking have taught me a few things.
1. Everyone has to pass through the Valley of Baca* eventually.
2. Each person walks at their own pace, in their own cadence.
3. There is no "right" way through, but you must keep going.
4. Sometimes validation is the greatest gift you can offer a valley-walker.
5. No one needs to walk alone.So, tonight, on Father’s Day Eve, I offer this small gift to every fatherless child and every empty-armed father:
This weekend, we hold space for you.
Whatever details surround this circumstance, your loss is acknowledged. Your pain is seen. The difficulty of this holiday does not escape our notice.
We know time doesn’t erase this kind of loss. People can’t replace people. No amount of things can fill the void they left.
No matter how much time has passed, it’s okay to not be okay this Father’s Day.
We see you, and we’re praying for you.
Be assured that those of us who have walked the path before you will be here, digging trenches, trusting God (the Everlasting Father of the fatherless/God of all comfort/Son of God and Son of man/All-sufficient One) to fill them to overflowing with life-giving, thirst-quenching, soul-restoring water for your journey.
May you feel seen, known, and loved today—and every day.
🩷 Audra
What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Baca (Weeping), it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
Psalm 84:5-6*
