Today, I thought it would be good to get the girls out of the house after a really tough week. So, we went tubing, did a little consignment shopping and went out for ice cream. Before we even got the blizzards we ordered, Korinna burst into tears. “Last time I was here, I was with Daddy!” she cried, huge tears running down her face. I sat beside her and let her cry it out. Then I asked her questions about that memory. I told her that it was okay to cry and that we would have a lot more firsts without him, because we have so many great memories with him. She looked worried about me for a moment, wiped her tears, changed the subject and started eating her ice cream. Later, in the car, she kept leaning forward to check on me.
I love her sweet, nurturing heart, but sometimes I’m afraid that in trying to be brave in front of my girls, I’m sending them a message that they have to be brave, too. Suppressed grief is unhealthy. That’s not what I want for them.
So how do I balance authentic grieving with demonstrating grace in grief? I’m not a newbie at grief. I’m also not very good at it. I’ve experienced the ugliness it can reveal in me. I’ve seen myself become angry and bitter and want to quit. Jeremy was the strong one. He was the one who patiently walked me back to faith after Karissa died. But Jeremy’s not here. It’s just me and God this time. And three impressionable girls. I feel the weight of the responsibly to suffer well, but I also know that it must be authentic. You can’t fool your children. They’ll see. They’ll know.
So, exactly how do I grieve with grace in front of my children?
Back to the Book I go…
I need to let my children see that it’s okay to grieve.
John 11:35
Jesus wept.
I need to help my children feel secure in the fact that God is holding us in his arms.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
I need to let my children see me turn to the Holy Spirit for my comfort so they know how to turn to the Great Comforter with their own grief.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
I need to let my children see me use my suffering experience to bring healing to other sufferers.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
I need to let my children see that grief is only temporary and we have glorious hope.
Revelation 21:4
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
Luke 6:21
Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.
I need to let my children know that God is with us, even in our darkest moments.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
I need to help my children learn that we won’t always understand everything… and that’s okay.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
I need to let my children see that when we are weak, He is strong.
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
I need to show my children that God gives us peace in the midst of our storms.
Philippians 4:6
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I need to teach my children how to weigh out every thought against the truth of the Word of God.
Philippians 4:6
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
I need to help my children remember that one day all believers will be together again in the presence of God.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18
For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
I need to remind myself and my children that the pain and heartaches of this world will be worth it all when we see Jesus.
Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
1/29/2022
