I’ve been a fighter since birth. Strong-willed, passionate, determined, stubborn, pig-headed—whatever you want to call it—that’s me. It’s not all bad. It saved my life, once upon a time. It keeps me focused. It makes me fiercely loyal. I don’t give up on people easily. My belief system is rock-solid. But I often struggle to hold on to that which I should let go.
Letting go. Ceasing my resistance and submitting to the authority of another. Giving up my own will, way, and desires. Throwing up the white flag. Surrender.
Sounds pretty awful, if you ask me.
When Jeremy died, so did my expected future. All of my dreams, plans and expectations included him. I loved my life with him and now that life has been irrevocably changed. That was really hard for me to accept. So, I resisted and resented every change for many months. Some of the changes were silly—like having no one to open the pickle jar or put fuel in the car for me—and some have been legitimately painful—like walking through cancer alone, walking away from the ministry I loved, and suddenly becoming a single parent.
I’ve come to realize that I’ll never arrive at a place of acceptance until I surrender. Sometimes, that looks like letting go of what was, in order to embrace all that is yet to be.
What if Mary hadn’t surrendered her reputation when the angel told her she would become the unwed mother of the Messiah?
Imagine if Joseph had refused to surrender his expectations to God when he was told to parent a child who wasn’t his.
And if Jesus hadn’t surrendered His will to the will of the Father, we would all be eternally lost.
Letting go of our past, accepting our present circumstances and submitting to God’s plan for our future is the only way to open ourselves up to receive the blessings God desires to send our way. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m still prayerfully working toward that end. But ultimately, absolute surrender is the only way to truly live again.
All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
I know. It’s easier to sing than to live out. But it’s the only way to walk in the abundant life He offers.
I surrender all.
I surrender all.
All to Thee, my blessed Savior;
I surrender all.
All my dreams…
All my plans…
All my preferences…
All my goals…
Laying them at the feet of the One who surrendered all to the Father for me; trusting Him to restore what has been lost and to work all things together for good.
I’m still a work in progress. That strong will gets in the way. Fear gets in the way. Grief gets in the way. But until I release my grip and empty my hands of my own will, I’ll never be ready to receive the good that the Father has in store for me.
He can’t pour blessings into hands already full.
5/2022