Last night, we did some sunset tubing on the lake. My youngest had been looking forward to it all day, but when the time came for her to get on the tube, she resisted. I knew she’d regret it if she didn’t go, so I pushed the issue and found out that she was afraid. It was an unknown lake, a smaller tube than she was used to, and she had just watched my friend’s son get thrown off the tube by a very skilled captain. After we assured her that we would make her ride as smooth as possible, an older friend offered to go with her, and she eagerly climbed onto the tube.
This morning, as I was flipping through the pictures we took last night, this one gave me pause. I thought about my own fear. I’ve survived profound loss before. I’ve even found joy and fulfillment again. But this time, it’s different. This time, I don’t have Jeremy to help me through. I’ve seen others walk this path before me. Others, who never recovered their joy or purpose. It’s a long, dark, lonely, unknown road and I haven’t walked here before. I’m afraid.
Today’s verse of the day was Psalms 56:3: When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. “When” indicates that it’s going to happen. I’m going to become fearful at times. But I don’t have to give in to the fear. Once I identify it, I’m responsible to flip the fear and focus on faith.
FEAR:
False Evidence Appearing Real
In other words, fear is a liar, and we combat lies with the truth. The truth is, I am not alone in this valley. It’s true that I don’t have my strong and steady husband with me this time, but I do have the One who gave him his strength. It’s true that some widows never really learn to live again, but the Captain of this ship knows my frame and is willing to give me all that I need to walk in victory. It’s true that I’ve never been in these dark waters before, but I do not have to give in to the spirit of fear because the Spirit I have been given holds the power to still the waves.
Is it still scary to step off the boat? Of course, it is! But because I trust the Captain and I am secure in the One who goes with me, I can face that fear with anticipation and hope for a future that will bring new joys, new experiences and new fulfillment.
It’s time to ask myself the same thing I asked my daughter. What adventures and joys am I willing to forego because I’m afraid? I loved and cherished the life I knew, but there are new blessings that await me, if I will just let go of the boat.
When I am afraid, in Jesus I will trust.
July 13, 2022
So good! Thank you! How far out from losing Jeremy were you writing these?
The dates are on the bottom of each post. I lost him in October of 2021, so this one was written nine months later.