Facing 2022 was just hard. My first year without him in it. A milestone that felt more like a millstone — tied about my neck and dragging me under, as I struggled against the current.
I probably could have foregone a word of the year last year. I’m pretty sure no one would have blamed me. My head was still spinning from the shock of our loss and the upheaval of all that we had known. But I long to be sanctified. I didn’t want to waste this trial. I desperately want this refining fire to purify my heart and bring me forth as gold. So I set my mind on finding just one word to focus on for the hardest year of my life.
I don’t think I’d ever wrestled that much with a word before. When I asked myself what I wanted for 2022, my first thought was “I just want to survive.” My next thought was “That’s not what God wants. He wants me to thrive.” But how do you thrive while your whole world is crumbling in around you?
So I made a list of words, like I do every December, but none of them seemed right. I kept praying and seeking. Finally, on the morning of January 1st, God gave me this verse:
“To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
Which led me to this one:
“Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received…”
Ephesians 4:1
Worthy.
“Worth whatever price necessary to obtain it.” It’s a word I often use for God, but definitely not a word I would use for myself. He is worthy. Worthy of praise. Worthy of worship. Worthy of sacrifice. Worthy of my all. But me? I’m worthy of Hell. So how can I walk worthy? Be worthy? On my own, I can’t. Yet, here it was in black and white. GOD CAN make me worthy of His calling.
At that moment, His calling on my life looked like widowhood, single parenthood, finding a new ministry, following Him into the unknown… and above all, faithfulness. Impossible on my own, but I wasn’t on my own.
It was a lofty word. I could’ve found a much easier one. But this was the one He gave me. So, I set my face toward walking worthy of the calling of Christ on my life. I didn’t do it perfectly. It often looked more like a limp. Or like a toddler, struggling to keep up. So many times, I failed miserably. Though I could see others walking the path ahead, my weak little legs of faith kept falling short. But the beauty I found was in the realization that He didn’t expect me to be worthy. In all of my striving, I could not. He knows I can’t. So he patiently walks behind me to make sure I don’t lose my way. And because He does every bit of the work of making me worthy, He receives all of the glory.
In 2022, walking worthy of my calling looked like getting up every day and reminding my heart to be faithful. Faithful to listen. Faithful to obey. Faithful to trust. Faithful to get back up each time I fell. And faithful to follow wherever He led. Oh, no, I’m not worthy! Yet, in His grace, He chooses to touch my efforts and use them to fulfill His will.
Not because I am worthy, but because He is.
1/1/23 TPW