Exactly one year and a day after the death of my husband, I had the first of three surgeries to remove cancer from my body. More specifically, I underwent a bilateral mastectomy, adding that to my ever-increasing list of significant losses.
It hurt that God was making me walk this road without Jeremy. It hurt to see my children fearful of losing another parent. It hurt that speaking engagements were canceled and plans were put on hold. It hurt to walk away from my ministry for a forced season of rest. I wanted to believe that this, too, was working for my good, but some things are really hard to accept. Why now?
Why now, when I am a new widow and single mom? Why now, when I desperately need an income? Why now, when my children are still reeling from the sudden loss of their dad? Why now, when I don’t have someone to take care of me and drive me to appointments and tell me I’m still beautiful, no matter what?
But God, as He often does, did marvelous things in the midst of the storm. He chose a compassionate and capable surgeon, who masterfully handled every complication my body threw at her. He surrounded me with kind and committed friends who gave sacrificially of their time and resources. He provided a temporary income with a wonderful ministry that allowed me to work from home. He placed us within a generous body of believers for a season of rest. He created an incredible little community right here on this unlikely platform, where I’ve gotten to share my journey with you. He grew my faith—and the faith of my girls—exponentially, as we learned to fully rely on Him. He carried me when I had nothing left.
My body let me down, but my God did not.
Today, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness to be able to say that I am cancer-free. I am fully aware of what a privilege that is and I do not take it lightly. I still sometimes struggle a bit with the loss. I will probably always wish that Jeremy had been here to walk me through this. Then again, the One Who did walk me though it proved Himself—as He always does—to be everything I needed.
He even thinks I’m beautiful, just the way I am. 😊
P.S… in honor of #WorldCancerDay and for all my #BreastCancerWarrior friends who are still in the fight, I am re-releasing my “#God Can” design on Amazon.
You can find it HERE.
