Yesterday was just hard. Some days are like that. When you’re a mom, the car seems to be a good place to go to be alone. Last night, you could’ve found me there, in fetal position, sobbing out to God. It sounded something like, “I’m going to be okay, right? Oh, God, please tell me I’m going to be okay! It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay…” over and over again.
I know I’m not the only one who has days like that.
I thought about the disciples on the stormy sea in Mark 4. The sea of Galilee was known for it’s terrible storms, but for those seasoned fishermen to be so afraid, it must’ve been an absolutely horrendous storm. The boat was filled up with water, they were going under, and Jesus was sound asleep! Jesus knew it was dangerous to sail at night. He knew the storm was coming, yet told them to set sail anyway, because He had work to do on the other side. Then, He went to bed.
Here’s where we talk about “storm theology.” Storm theology is what I believe about God when storms ravage my life. Just like a boiling pot of water reveals what’s inside a tea bag, so the tragedies and trials of my life reveal the truth of what I believe. The disciples had enough faith to enter into dark waters, but not quite enough to remain peaceful through the process. “How can you sleep while we drown? Don’t you care?” It’s not that they didn’t believe He could calm the storm. They just didn’t think He cared.
And that, right there, is where my storm theology falls apart. I know that the wind and the waves obey Him. I know He’s here in my boat with me. I know He’s captain of my ship and author of my story. I know He has work to do in me and a plan for when we get to the other side. But sometimes, when the waves are high and the water is deep and the thunder is loud and there is no end in sight, I let myself think that maybe, just maybe, He’s forgotten my plight. Maybe He doesn’t care that I’m going under.
And the hot water reveals that my tea bag is weak.
Jesus says, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” But I like this side of the lake. On this side of the lake, faith and trust in Jesus have been easy. On this side, things went well. The disciples got to watch as Jesus performed miracles, taught truths, confronted Pharisees, and gained popularity. On this side, I had a loving husband, a fruitful ministry, a beautiful family, a blessed life. “But a fierce storm came up.” And so, it did. Suddenly, violently and without warning. We hate the storms. They’re terrifying and excruciating. And they are exactly where God reveals Himself.
Jesus didn’t panic. He didn’t even rebuke the disciples. They were right. They weren’t strong enough to withstand such a storm. But they were also wrong. He did care. And He had a lesson to teach. So He rebuked the storm.
“Peace. Be still.” Three words that still resound today. Meant for the storm, but also spoken to my heart.
It’s one thing to learn something about God and yourself sitting in a church service, but it’s so much more transforming to learn something about God and yourself when everything falls apart. Some lessons can only be learned in the middle of the storm.
My daughter sent me a song by Lydia Laird several months ago, when Jeremy was intubated. Here are the lyrics:
“Give me peace when I am tossed and frightened, lost among the waves
Give me hope when I’m in doubt and fears are clouding up my faith
Would You come and move the mountains
‘Cause I’m too weak to climb
Promise that You’re with me in this fight
“Tragedy could hold the sharpest blade against my skin
Threatening to open all the wounds I’ve tried to mend
Would You come and be the Healer
That I know I’ve seen before
You’ve promised me that I can be restored
“Oh I can hear the thunder but I’m okay
‘Cause You’re with me
I know You will cover me, I’ll be safe
‘Cause You’re with me
I’ll be okay
“I’ll be okay, I’ll be okay, I’ll be okay
Make me okay, Make me okay
“I’ll be okay…”
Friend, you may need to hear this today as much as I needed to hear it yesterday.
He may be silent, but He’s still in the boat. He’s aware of your storm. He does care. You are not alone. It’s going to be okay.
You’re going to be okay.
How do we know it’s going to be okay? Because the author of our story, the Creator of all, the Lord of the wind and sea is in the storm with us. And He is not afraid.
3/29/22